the anecdotal christian

God’s Physical Voice

Being blessed with a Christian home growing up, I accepted Christ at a very early age and had God genuinely in my heart. At about the age of 15 or 16, I went through many un-ending months where I struggled with horrible doubts and feelings of disconnection from God. Satan was entangling my heart and mind by throwing these doubts at me left right and center. Although I knew 100% for sure that God was real and the Bible was truly accurate, I could barely pray and I could barely think of “God” throughout my day without immediately doubting my connection with Him or doubting His true existence.

Going to church, speaking with trusted people in my life… nothing was helping me, and God felt empty and distant (even though He is not, in reality). It got worse and worse, and was seriously messing me up. I would shed tears over it; when I prayed, it felt like I was speaking to nobody, and I was giving up on keeping connected with Him throughout the day because it felt like there was no one out there on the other end of the line. I knew, inside, that He was present, but I was bombarded by Satan’s doubt’s and thoughts of constant negativity.

One afternoon, laying on my couch, after months of horrible distress from this, I was in tears as I pleaded with God to reach out to me and help me. I told Him I was trying to have faith and ride it out, but it had been months and I was running out of stamina. I told Him that I needed Him desperately now. I was giving up, running out of words to speak as my tears slowly stopped. I shut my eyes. I was not asleep, however, but in a very calm relaxed state, and behind me, taking me by total surprise, were three AUDIBLE words in the room with me:

I love you.

They were as real as the words you know you are reading right now. They were as physical and present as words any human can speak to you. The words were not in my head – they were in the room with me. And it was the calmest, most loving and reassuring voice you can imagine. His voice was not some deep, booming sound as often portrayed in the movies, but instead, it was vast with kindness and serenity. I smiled and knew from that point on I would have resolve and confidence in God, and that He loved me. The doubts and negativity I was dealing with soon faded away, and I was free again.

Even today, when things are shaky and I need a reminder of God’s love, I think back on this. Although I already have faith and confidence in God’s love, actually hearing His voice like that was just icing on the cake that I can never forget.

by  ChrisM


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